Total Surrender

Total Surrender

Writing, for me, is very much like skiing in the powder. It is not something that I do. It is something that happens through me, and the best I can do is get out of the way, and wish for a great ride. Sometimes I wait weeks in the winter for the great storms to come and sometimes I wait weeks for the great words to come.

A huge amount of trust is necessary for both writing and skiing, because I am just not in charge. This is also the greatest joy - to completely let go and trust that whatever writes through me or skis through me, knows the way. What I receive in return is a direct connection or rather unification with Source. To tell you the truth, it doesn't just happen on the slopes or with words, it happens whenever I drop the story and I am present in this moment. It can happen when I inhale the scent of the most beautiful flower, when I lock eyes with a loving friend or stranger, or when I race around the house with my grandson on his tricycle, laughing so hard I wonder if I will die from laughter - and not caring if I do.

Right now - it happens.

The search for so long and so far has landed me Here - Now. A space I never left but could not find under all the self made clutter. It is like the sun looking for the light. Wherever it goes it is there and it is what it is seeking.

Something indescribable happens in the surrender. The mind of illusion is dropped, and the true self can be experienced - not seen, heard or defined in any manner, for doing so would recreate the illusion.

I don't have a lot of stories left. Many of the stories that created my life have dissolved under careful scrutiny. Like a house of cards, you remove a pivotal card, and the house falls. You could start all over again but the foundation on which the house was built no longer exists, and if you could find it, you probably wouldn't want it. It is both complex and simple at the same time. It is in the dichotomies that the truth can be found. Nothing matters yet everything matters.

In the surrender, the sun is still the sun.

In grace & gratitude,
Nanice